i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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