Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
