Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
