Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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