He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
