I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
