If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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