I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
