If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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