Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
