I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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