Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
