I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
