Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Randomize
