She said her name was "party"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
