the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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