How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
