Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
