Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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