She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
