my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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