Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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