Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
