i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
