I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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