Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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