the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize