I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
