Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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