My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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