i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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