jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
