Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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