I didn't shave. On purpose
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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