Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
