I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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