Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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