I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
