yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
