did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
