Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my shit smells like andre
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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