OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
