jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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