I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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