Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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