mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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