why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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