So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
