And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
