i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
