I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
