he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Randomize
