And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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