oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
