A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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