I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
