that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
