You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
