Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
