Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
