Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
MIDGETS
????
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize