just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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