The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
