I have demons in me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
