pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
