all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize