ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
