How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My ass is underappreciated
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
