I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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