a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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