I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
