she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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