Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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