We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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