I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
