You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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