The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Two words: nipple clamps
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