Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
