...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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