We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
