let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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