I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
