I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
