Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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