I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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