I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
