I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
