we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
