Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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