he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
