May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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