Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
