I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
