Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
