theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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