Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
