She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
