I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
