life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize