You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
