4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
