You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
